Last weekend me, Nori, Ruscky and Sanny headed our ways to Bobo x Sam engagement party. I had a problem with finding fitting clothes for the event. Thanks for Sanny and Ruscky for helping me!
The place was pretty crowded so I didn't get
a full picture of my outfit, but at least here is my pretty face :')
Nori and Bobo. I failed on Noris make-up using too light BB- Cream :'D
God I am so sorry honey!
Hah, Sanny and I were the fab of the party!
Oh Sam's family dog, he was so poor that he didn't know where to stay
in the house with all the people.
The parties like this are not a place for me and here I had to prove it to myself one more time. I feel everytime like a complete outsider who has nothing to say to anyone. And usually I am the first one out. It goes pretty much the same way in my own parties if there attends some relatives or moms friends. But the party ended nicely and we even got a ride home!
Maybe one day I will care about other people so much that I would actually push myself against all my own will and just talk to them all small talk. It's just so damn hard when I really am not interested in them at all. I feel like a faker and that's all I hate. But yeah maybe one day I will see these things differently. I am still young and a lot in my past to be settled in my head and heart. The bullies have always a talent to leave a mark so deep that you don't even know from where to start look for it and how to fix the damage that it might have caused.
Sometimes it just feels like no-one around understands truly how bad I had it back then. Everyone says "oh you". It's not oh ME it's oh them! I was a victim back then but I don't have a need to be treated like that for the rest of my life. I am a hero of my story and I don't need to be saved anymore. I got myself up from so down that I made only one promise, to never get back there. All I will get in my life I will get because of who I am. If some people are not my type or don't get me I am not going to waste a minute of my life with them. Life is too short to be pleasing either you boss, or parents, or awful relationships. Every minute is away from you. You want to wake up after 40 years to notice that you have no idea of you you are or what you wanted to be. You've become someone that others had turned you into.
I want to say to all of you. Tough sometimes it might get you hard to be truly who you are, sometimes you might get a lonely feeling inside for not fitting every group, it's okay.
In the end you are going to feel you did the right thing. How awesome will it be when in the end you notice you are really surrounded by all those amazing people who you gathered around you.
When you stay true to your self you can get anything in this world.
My and here I was suppose to just write about a party.
Well it made me think. It's nice to write something real unexpected!
Till next time!